if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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