My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's blow job season.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
