I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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