Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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