hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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