I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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