All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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