And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
