I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
