I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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