Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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