Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
