He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
