I didn't shave. On purpose
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
