Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
