Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
