He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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