Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
