Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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