Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
