mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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