I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
