so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
