my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
