she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
