Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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