I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
