i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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