Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
