i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize