His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I queefed so loud it echoed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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