Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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