We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
