If that was your dad, he is hot
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
