I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
