I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
