ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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