It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
