We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
