So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
