I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize