Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
