omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize