I'm going to jail i love you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
