problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
