Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
