Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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