there's paper in my vomit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
