Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
