Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
