when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
