You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
