He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
