She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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