We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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