I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
