I'm eating all of the evidence.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
