obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
