turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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