I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
