Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sober January is a disaster.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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