I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
