he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
