i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
