who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
