i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
