dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
