oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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