You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
