ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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