I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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