Have you finally orgasmed yet?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
