Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
