Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
