it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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