I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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