You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize