The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
