i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
