gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
