i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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