Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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