my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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