it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
a search helicopter?!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Enjoy the penises
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
