They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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