Got a toothbrush?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
