Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
