we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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