cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
