Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
